Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
