What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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