Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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