well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
