I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
