On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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