I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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