No awkward lesbian experiences without me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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