Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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