i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
