you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
