About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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