Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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