Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
