I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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