My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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