Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
