Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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