She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
