So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
