Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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