Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
