I just saw a hot homeless man
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
