I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
