i used baking grease as lip gloss
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i think i just lost a toe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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