the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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