I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
