I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
