Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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