I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
