So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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