That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
