"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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