dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
