I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
