seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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