I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ttyl tear gas
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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