They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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