why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
