I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
