It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
honey bunches of taint.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
