I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
