I can tuck mytits in my pants
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
