You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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