the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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