Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
