The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
