ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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