i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
