I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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