3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
