it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So squirting runs in the family.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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