so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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