Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
